Buildup

May 18, 2014 – 04:11

Fell asleep at my computer. Lost three hours, but didn’t lose any data, so that’s good. Had the weirdest dream though. Shadowed shapes on a black plane, people I think, gathering around and connected with nodes and lines of.. color? Glow? The color was a signal, a sound, a song, a thought, all at the same time. Seemed relevant somehow. Geez, okay, is this suddenly a dream diary? Dr. Corson better never read this. The last thing I need now is my very own ‘the importance of non-subjectivity in psychological research’ lecture. That’s only fun when I get to watch the undergrads respond to him ranting about Freud. And yet… That WAS a sort of ‘emotional stimulus via auditory harmonic progression’ right? Okay, no, no, that’s quite enough of that. Time for sleep. Real sleep. In bed.

May 22, 2014 – 17:19

So, thesis defense finished, successful. Master’s degree achieved. Now the hard part. Continue schooling? Private sector? Lot easier to dream about a PhD before. Not sure I’d ever be able to pay for transition on an academic salary, so what’s the point of a PhD? Well, other than getting to keep at this research, that definitely has its merits. I have the summer to think about it at least. Right now I just want to think about anything but psych. Well, no, that’s not even true. Been dying to try that side project. With this much data on psych effects of sound, I bet I could put together some really interesting DJ sets. Oops, Robin’s dragging me away for my party, apparently. Note to self, as at club about DJ spots.

May 26, 2014 – 12:34

Had the dream again. More detailed this time. Definitely people, on that dark plane, or at least people-like things. Had my own signals to bring with me this time, I guess that makes sense with me burying myself in research and music lately. Not everything made color, but a few things did. Little bit of glow covering me, surrounding me. I looked strange. Woke up before I could have a closer look. Think I can remember what sounds worked to make the colors. Think I’ll throw that into the music too. Why not?

June 4, 2014 – 01:30

Amateur DJ night at Space206 is the most depressing clubscene I have EVER seen. Which, okay, yeah, it’s a hole in the wall, it’s freaking Tuesday night, what do I expect. I could totally do better than half of the folks up there though, and I’ve been serious about this for what, three months? But I got a slot for next week without even having to audition, so that probably explains how everyone else got up there too. Just hope there’s anyone at all on the floor to let me know how well I’m doing. And now, gotta give them a DJ name by tomorrow. Well, I’ll probably be all in black, best way to be androgynous that I can come up with right now, so, what, DJ Raven? Is that completely fitting or completely ridiculous?

June 11, 2014 – 01:27

Now THAT was a trip. Exhausting, exciting, frustrating, exhilarating. Definitely going to do that again. The looks on their faces! Can just imagine what everyone thought, me getting up there, DJ Raven, long dark hair, all in black. Everyone was waiting for two-decade-old goth industrial stuff, I bet. And getting nothing so relaxing, that’s for sure. Must’ve had half the place dancing! Which is about a dozen people, yeah. Still! A dozen people I don’t KNOW, and getting to see them react to my beats, my cues, seeing everything have just the effect I wanted. DEFINITELY doing that again.

June 12, 2014 – 13:12

I can’t believe I just said that to Corson. Like DJing has better health coverage than academia? Like I even know how I’d go about making any money at ALL with the music stuff? Well, it’s an extra year, that’s all. A year to figure out what I want to do with this. The research still fascinates me, the results last night actually confirmed that, along with everything else. I guess I’m just tired of looking at my life like it’s all scripted out for me. Even if I did the scripting myself. That’s one thing I’ve already learned from the music, going with the flow is more fun. Adapting is more fun.

June 13, 2014 – 10:08

Dreams seem to agree with me at least. Most vivid yet by far. Managed to take my work in there with me, and moved around this time, leaving a line of song behind. Seemed to spread, filling out color better, and reaching out before me too, toward whatever else was there. Felt like I was changing the world. It all made a weird sort of signal-processing sense, too, matched up with the research, at least according to dream logic. Remembered to look at myself too. Raven. Human-shaped, outlined in purple glow, but definitely raven. Again I wonder, is that surprising or obvious at this point? Gives me great ideas for a better DJ outfit, though.

June 18, 2014 – 01:35

Had this weird feeling like there were people at the club tonight just to see me; more people, coming right before I got in. And then afterwards, invitation to do my thing at a solstice festival this weekend. Sure, it’s because someone dropped, sure, it’s a side room, but still. More than a dozen people. WAY more than a dozen people. And a paying gig, but I’d totally do it anyway. Okay. Okay, I can do this. Adapt, evolve, be awesome.

June 19, 2014 – 12:24

Been having the dreams every night for the past few, just was too busy prepping earlier. Which I should really get back to. Two days to go. Dreams are starting to be really good inspiration now; it’s like I can touch things, send out my own music, the harmonics from the research, the melodies I’ve been coming up with. They’re a glowing signal that connects to whatever else is out there. Some are people, and it changes them, making them glow like me. Housemates were there? Thought I recognized Robin. Not just people though. Sometimes it’s like I’m even changing the landscape itself. There’s other things in there too to sample signals from. Energy, form, space, putting their music together, actually knowing how to recreate them when I wake up, too.

June 21, 2014 – 04:37

Working. Working working working. Music, glow, signal, picked up great beats from the streetlights outside. Think I’ve got my closer. Housemates probably about to murder me. Better sleep.

June 21, 2014 – 21:56

Quick note before I go live. Tracklist is great, I’m all patched in, I can feel it, I could swear I can see it too. My glow, into the cables, out the speakers. I can DO this.

June 22, 2014 – 00:48

Pardon bus typing just wanted to remind my self how excellent that was. Saw the glow the whole way signals lighting the world shaping it just like in the dreams. Everyone so totally into it. Would’ve stay longer myself but don’t think I could top that. Heh now people on the bus even recognize me from the dance, those guys totally don’t look like the usual crowd though. And now they’re frowning at me and coming toward me, am I about to get mugged by dudes in three-piece suits? And the glow seems to flow around them, avoiding, and I remember them at the dance, where it did the same. And I remember the music, send a signal of change through my body, energy to leap past them, melody to let everyone else know they’re after me, a pulse to open up the bus door, bassline for strength as I roll with the pavement (they’re still following), flow to my feet, arch up and out, tones giving me wings and notes giving me feathers to fly and escape and how am I still getting all this down?

Buildup

Mage: Fuzzy Set Theory IndiCoyote